The creature can apparently hiss according to an eyewitness and even shoot needles.
Greg Tepper
25.3.22
Be’er Sheva – After a struggle of a few seconds Shmuel Tepper got the scoop. Shmuel is also Greg.
Got the scoop. It’s an old Newsies insider thing.
Greg was not mortally wounded as the Israeli porcupine did not attack him though it did hiss like a snake hiding inside of another snake’s mouth hissing from the tip of its tongue.
These deadly beasts can shoot their needles tipped with poison when threatened.
Or so the old desert fable goes.
MADA emergency services did not have to be called and rush Greg to hospital within minutes of being poisoned to ensure that the poison did not reach his eyes causing them to melt within their sockets and his tongue causing it to turn yellow and his vocal cords causing an inability to speak and only scream like Sam kinison.
The porcupines needles are tipped with the deadliest poisons on Earth.
Or so the legend goes.
Nearly extincting these ferocious rodents was one of the first things the Israeli pioneers had to do in order to turn the arid dry wasteland too hot and unforgiving for even Mad Max into a hospitable the welcoming environment that the Negev desert is today.
At least that’s the folklore told by local old timers throughout Be’er Sheva.
We actually think it was a porcupine and not a hedgehog. But it was dark out and Greg’s first thought and other thoughts and subsequent thoughts and final thoughts were to not get shot with poison needles.
He did not stop and interview the wild animal regarding its preferred species and kingdom.
By final thoughts we do not mean before death rather before removing the threatening predator, which is said to be carnivorous, from his property.
An interesting fact and perhaps one of the few in this article is that the property is actually not his. It is a rented property.
And all property in Israel is said to only be owned by the owner for a maximum of 99 years after which time property is returned to the state because in Israel you don’t mess with the state.
Or so they say.
The kissing porcupine, thought to be deadly, was scooped in a shovel then by The JTown Times Staffer before being dropped over a low fence.
The editorial staff italicized thought as Greg was acting out of fear. He never put too much thought into porcupines though they make a delicious snack in certain Latin American countries.
Or so he’s heard.
The porcupine’s life was not endangered and in any case they can bounce and roll from tall heights.
Or at least they are claimed to be able to buy a fringe internet page Greg found on a Google search and is now citing but cannot remember the name of or the web address.
Shmuel, who is also Greg, but in the way a person has several names rather than personalities, was concerned it might fire it’s needle arsenal at him so the operation was lickety split and successful.
By concerned we mean he was crying to God in fear.
If it is a hedgehog, which legend has it can burrow underground surviving the temperatures of Earth’s core which rumor has it exceed that of the sun, it, like the T 800, will be back.
And we hope you will be too, dear reader. This has been a Friday no news for Jews in Israel night update.
Because sometimes it’s not the news that tells you what happened that makes it news but us telling you what didn’t happen that makes it not.
Shabbat shalom.
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